Market Wizard
Until Tilt
Kicks In 🎢
Professional market wizard with a PhD in Tilting. Making consistently good trades until I don't. 🎯
Market Wizard*
*When not on tilt or occupied by an escort
Bug Creator
Features? You mean unexpected surprises while coding, just like this fucked up site
Chaos Agent
Mixing partying and drugs with trading like a true Wall Street Savant
Body Count Legend
500+ (escorts) broke my heart at supersonic speed 💋💔 t-pain voice- I'm in love with a stripper!
Trading Status:
Tilted but vibing 🎲
The Savant Unleashed
Not even my final form. Watch me ascend beyond the limits 🌟
Super Saiyan Trader
Power level over 9000 in the markets ⚡
Hardstyle Junkie
BPM so high it matches my trading frequency 🎧
Caffeine Artillery
Running on espresso shots and pure adrenaline ⚡
Cigar Connoisseur
Chain smoking victory cigars like a boss 💨
Trading Savant
Market psychology? I wrote the book 📚
Market Destroyer
Slicing through resistance levels like butter ⚔️
They say nobody's perfect, but they haven't witnessed my final form yet. When I'm not ascending beyond mortal trading limits or coding at the speed of light, you'll find me in my hyperbolic trading chamber, vibing to hardstyle at 150 BPM, chain-smoking cigars like a victory-charged deity, and maintaining my transcendent status through a godlike mixture of caffeine and nicotine. My power level? It's way over 9000. Stay mortal, stay losing, I'll stay ascending. 👑
PEAK PERFORMANCE
Superhuman trading, legendary lifestyle, infinite stamina 💊🔥
50+ Whores
Penthouse Scene
Private runway show with the entire agency roster 👙🔥
$6FIG DAY
Trading Gains
JPow wishes he could print this hard 🖨️💸
SUPERHUMAN
Performance
Breaking records in ALL departments 😈💪
72HR NONSTOP
Stamina Level
The blue pill fairy works overtime 💊✨
LEGENDARY
Supplement Stack
Pharmacological excellence achieved 🧪⚡️
1000+ HEIRS
Dynasty Status
Genghis Khan taking notes from heaven 👶👑
* Results guaranteed by pharmaceutical excellence™️. Trading performance enhanced by the finest supplements. What happens in the penthouse pisses off the peasants beneath me and got noise complaints filed because they're jealous to not have 5+ snowbunnies running around buttnaked like me. Every escort signed an NDA. Not financial advice, but definitely lifestyle advice. 💊👙💎
Prop Firms That Don't Suck, and some that do...
Because your Wendy's paycheck isn't gonna cut it 🚀
Unlike those sus Furu's who'll promote anything for a quick buck, I only fw prop firms that actually pay out. No sketchy shit, no exit scams - just legit firms that won't ghost you when it's time to collect your bag. 💰
The Futures Desk
For traders who actually know their shit. Built different because they're not your mom's prop firm.
$99
None
Take Profit Trader
Like TheFuturesDesk but with less homework. Perfect for degens who hate rules.
$85
None
Not responsible for your terrible trading decisions. Results may vary. Mostly downward. 📉
Past performance definitely doesn't guarantee future results, but you're gonna YOLO anyway, aren't you? 🎲